Don’t Feel Chemistry With Nice Guys? Here’s How to Change That!

Make a List

  • Showing up late to a date (even if for a good reason — any type of lateness can increase anticipation, which increases physiological arousal)
  • Canceling a date at the last minute (again, even if for a good reason — the point here isn’t to evaluate his reasons, just to notice the effect of the behavior on your physiological arousal)
  • Suggesting a date but failing to make clear plans with you or keeping you guessing about exactly when/where the date will occur
  • Telling you he isn’t sure if he’s ready for a relationship
  • Showing up to a first date with flowers
  • Offering to pick you up or see you home
  • Arriving on time for dates
  • Ending a date with plans to see you again
  • Making it clear that he is smitten with you (nice but cheesy text messages, nervous laughter, sweaty palms, finding himself tongue-tied in an awkward silence, nervous about first kiss, etc)

Re-Slot Behaviors

  • Think about how thrilling it would be to get engaged or to plan a wedding. How can the cheap excitement that flaky guys provide compare to the thrill of being in a deep relationship that leads to marriage?
  • Do something a little scary with your date, such as going to a horror movie. Should you misattribute your fear as attraction for your date in this context, it would be a positive thing!
  • Come up with a sexual fantasy to imagine while on a date with Mr Nice Guy. If you need help coming up with ideas, you might try searching online for erotica or porn till you find something that really excites you — it should feel naughty, forbidden, or whatever it takes to get your heart racing. When you go on a date with a nice guy who might feel so safe that he’s a little boring, call the fantasy material mind while you focus your gaze on your date. This will help arouse your body and make you more open to advances from Mr Nice Guy.

To see Dr. Chloe’s helpful blogs on anxiety, relationships, and career issues please see her blogs! Click here

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Dr. Chloe Carmichael

Dr. Chloe Carmichael

196 Followers

Clinical psychologist | Founder of Carmichael Psychology | TV commentator | Specializes in #anxiety, #dating, #relationships and #goals | www.DrChloe.com/blog