Tired of being the bridesmaid and not the bride? If you know you want a relationship that leads to marriage and you want to find it in the next year or two, it’s time to rethink your dating strategy.
Before you read on, know that this post only applies to you if you want to find a partner soon. While many women are willing to wait decades to find their ideal match, others feel that finding a partner is one of their current life priorities. If that’s you and you’re ready to take deliberate action to increase your chances of making it happen, follow these three steps:
1. Set your target number.
Finding your partner is a numbers game: The more dates you go on, the more likely you are to end up on the date that connects you with your future partner. If you’d like to connect with that man sooner than later, the trick is to get proactive about going on a certain number of dates each week.
How do you know the right number of dates to go on each week? The truth is, there is no “right” number that applies to everyone — but to a certain degree, higher numbers of first dates translate to a higher likelihood of ultimately finding your match. In my practice, women in their mid-30s tend to have higher numbers than women in their 20s, simply because many women feel strongly that they would like to marry by the age of 40.
2. Update your social calendar.
Once you’ve chosen your target number, decide how you will meet it each week. You have several options, including the following:
- Online dating
- Professional matchmakers
- Speed dating events
- Setups from friends
- Intramural sports
- Alumni club mixers
- Wine tasting classes
As soon as you do the legwork of creating a fabulous online profile, joining some great social clubs, meeting some matchmakers, telling friends and family that you’re available, etc., your dating calendar may just begin to fill itself each week!
3. Meet your weekly number.
For women who want a conventional relationship leading to marriage, the hardest part of meeting a newly declared higher number of weekly dates is getting enough activities going to increase the number of date requests from desirable men.
If you find you’re having trouble meeting your number, either start going out more or start saying yes to more people. You can also lower the number if you need to, but try to stay with the same number for at least six weeks so you’ll really get a chance to see what it’s like.
While revving up your dating life may sound overwhelming at first, it’s actually pretty fun. Not only will you be shaking things up by exposing yourself to new situations and people, you’ll also be opening yourself up to all the benefits of dating more — one of which is paving the way to your ideal future.
Chloe Carmichael, Ph.D., is a New York City-based psychologist who is committed to giving clients concrete tools to make lasting changes. She is also a certified yoga instructor; herinsurance-eligible yoga group integrates yoga and psychology to teach you how to better manage your emotions.